Becoming a Dad

I will always remember the day Leighanne told me she was pregnant with our son Alfie. We were living in a flat in Ipswich and I was working at a care home in Colchester. I got home from work as usual and Leighanne called me into the bedroom. On the bed was a quote about becoming a dad and the pregnancy test. I think I knew instantly when I walked into the room. I was so excited, happy and a little nervous. I hugged Leighanne and cried. I couldn't quite believe it and we ended up doing the second test just to make sure. A week later we did one final test and again the result was positive. 

The first 12 weeks were the hardest, I'd read that most problems can occur during the first trimester and I didn't want anything to happen to my little baby. Even at that early stage I wanted to protect and keep the child safe. Another difficult thing was trying not to tell anyone for the first 12 weeks. I think we both let slip to a few colleagues at work.

When it came to telling families I was so excited to share the amazing news. My dad doesn't live close to me so I called him on the phone. I remember saying that I had something to tell him and I think he knew right away what it was. He was so excited and happy for Leighanne and myself. I then rang my brothers and sisters who again were all so happy and eager to meet their niece/nephew. 

Leighanne's family all live close to us so we decided to tell them in person. It was her dad's birthday and we were heading to their house to celebrate. Tom and Michelle were sat in the garden enjoying the sun, we walked out to join them and Leighanne handed her dad a small gift. It was a pair of socks that said the best dads get promoted to grandads. Tom sat silent for a little while taking it all in whilst Michelle hugged us both. When Tom finally spoke he was so thrilled for us. I remember her brother coming out into the garden and Tom showing him the socks. He was speechless, he hugged us both and then we all sat talking about babies and just enjoyed the weather. 

One of the first scares we had was a little blood during the first few weeks. I instantly panicked and worried something had happened. We called the hospital and they wanted Leighanne to come and have a scan to check everything was ok. I was so relived when they told us everything was fine, we even got a photo printed to mark our first scan. Not that it resembled a baby just yet. We were also told that due to a few factors Leighanne was a high risk and therefore we would go for more frequent scans, I didn't mind as it meant we got to see baby more and also make sure everything was ok. I think Leighanne might have gotten sick of the full bladders all the time but it was all worth it seeing our little baby on that monitor. 

Over the next few months I don't think a day went by that we weren't looking at baby bits and getting prepared for everything. I loved that we could finally go shopping in all these baby shops. We had already decided that we wouldn't find out the gender. As impatient as I am we both loved the thought of having a surprise at the end. This meant that most of what we bought and what was gifted was gender neutral but we didn't mind that. 

When it came to picking a name we struggled. Leighanne would suggest a name but it would remind me of someone, maybe someone that bullied me at school or an old girlfriend and vice versa when I'd suggest a name to Leighanne. I'd always loved the idea of naming my son after me, that way he could be called AJ or junior. Leighanne wanted him to have his own name so we ended up both liking Zachary for several months. The girls name we had eventually chosen was Isobelle-Grace.

I think it was about a month or so before the birth that we were discussing the names again. Every now and then I'd say we should call him Aaron. Eventually we settled on the same initials and middle name as me and so the name Alfie Frederick Palette. It was such a beautiful name and having my dad's name as his middle name I really liked.

I want to add a little bit here about my Dad. The man who taught me how to be an incredible Father. Growing up my dad was always selfless, putting us first always. He was a protector, a teacher, a friend and gave us everything he possibly could. I always knew that when I became a dad that I wanted to be the kind of dad he was, someone to look up to, encourage us to be the best we can and to support any venture we did. I cherish every moment growing up. From our bike rides down to the stream to go fishing for minnows with our little fishing nets, to hill waking no matter what the weather. We had some amazing adventures and it's something I want to do as much as possible. 

So back to a month before the birth, we had just got the keys for our first family home. The whole place needed decorated before we could move in. I spent a lot of long days and late nights working away with lots of help from Leighanne's dad. We finally got everything finished and moved in a week before the due date.

The due date came and went and no sign on baby. 2 days over due we rushed to the hospital as we though baby was coming but Leighanne was still 1cm and it turned out to be Braxton Hicks.

On the 12th of February 2018 Leighanne started getting really bad contractions. I remember phoning the midwife as Leighanne was in so much pain. Again we made our 45 minute journey to the hospital and sat waiting for the midwife to tell us if baby was coming or not. After doing her checks the midwife told us that Leighanne was 3cm dilated. Now it was just a waiting game for baby to make an appearance. 

Leighanne and I both though this would be a simple process but it was far from it. Being so late in the night Leighanne was already very tired. She was given some gas and air to relieve some of the pain and help her get some rest but with each contraction she would wake up. She was also given Pethidine and eventually an epidural. I remember them covering her back in iodine. After all the pain relief she managed to get some sleep. I managed to get the odd hour or so on some beanbags on the floor. 

Leighanne's labour had been progressing slowly but her waters hadn't broken so the midwife was going to break them for her. After doing so they discovered there was meconium in the waters. They told us it was a possibility that baby could have inhaled some. Another thing for me to worry about, I just hoped that everything was going to be ok.

It was now then next day and the monitors on Leighanne's bump to measure baby's heart rate weren't getting the best connection so they decided to attach an electrode to baby's head as it's more reliable. The heart rate would drop at times and then go back up. I remember the consultant kept coming in to check how dilated Leighanne was and there was talk of a possible C-Section. Every time the heart rate would drop I was so worried. At around 6pm Leighanne was still only 9cm and the heart rate was dropping a lot and it was decided that we would have to have a C-Section.

As we were in the lift on the way to theatre I think Leighanne could tell I was close to tears. I just remember being so scared and worried, I didn't want anything to happen to either of them. Leighanne was taken into the theatre on her own whilst I was shown into a room to put scrubs on. I was shaking and so close to tears.

Once in the theatre it got worse, so many doctors, nurses and consultants were in the room with us. As I held Leighanne's hand I watched as they covered her stomach in the iodine and then began to cut her open. The whole time I was nervous and on the verge of tears.

Then finally, on the 14th of February at 7:21pm I watched as our baby was pulled out from Leighanne. First the head and then the rest of the body. I saw it was a boy and turned to Leighanne and told her we have a son. We both smiled and said our little Alfie Frederick Palette. I remember the nurse asking if we knew if it was a boy or girl but I knew already, I think I probably knew before they did. We didn't get a cuddle right away, they took him to the side to clear his airways and make sure everything was ok as he didn't cry right away. A few minutes later the midwife handed him to me. My first cuddles with my son, I'll never forget that moment. Looking into his eyes and feeling so much love for this little baby. I think I was probably crying at this time too. 

In recovery that's where Leighanne's mum and dad got to meet Alfie for the first time. I remember seeing them at the door and I started to cry again. I think I was just so happy and full of emotion. Whilst in recovery I noticed Alfie was very red, I asked the midwife why but they didn't seem too concerned about it. Once they had checked him over we were taken to the ward to get some rest and have our first night together as a family. 

I had a few of my first on the ward. I changed his nappy and got him into his pyjamas and I also swaddled him for the first time too. The nurse came in and checked him and I mentioned about him being red again to this nurse but they didn't seem concerned. 

Alfie's skin had started to peel off, it looked so sore and I hated to see him in pain. We were sat in a room where the consultants and doctors would come and talk to us about what they thought could be wrong. They explained how they thought it could be epidermolysis bullosa but they would have to do a few test and also take some photos to send to a specialist in Great Ormond Street Hospital. I'd seen this skin disorder before and I'd never wish it on anyone. All I could do was hope that Alfie didn't have this. 

After a few days we were told that it wasn't epidermolysis bullosa but in fact Staphylococcal scalded skin syndrome, an infection that makes the skin blister and peel. We were moved into a family room in NICU where we spent a couple of days waiting for it to clear up a bit more. It was such a relief to know that it wasn't anything too serious or long term. 

Finally after a day or so on the family room we were given the all clear to go home, I couldn't wait to properly start our life together as a family. It had been such a scary and emotional time but it definitely brought us closer together and I'm so grateful to everyone that looked after us during our time there.

I hope you've all enjoyed reading this post about me becoming a dad. I didn't think it would be this long and there are parts I haven't gone too in-depth with, maybe I'll talk about them in another post. Until then take care and stay safe.

-Aaron